too late, too superficial, too poorly written, too tired, too many excuses

Want nothing and you shall want for nothing vs. if you want something hard to get, you need to want it real fucking bad, or you won't get it. What do I want? I want a beautiful life. I want to squeeze out the most beautiful stuff from the one part of the universe I can control, myself. I want to get the most out of myself. I also would like to leave the world better off, but right at this moment that seems kind of naïve. I'd like to pick up on the good and beautiful things others have done and contribute for the next person to be inspired by. I also want to have fun. TenementRock- You're writing about the attainment of a goal, which may mean ignoring fears about the future or over-conceptualizing or fantasizing and instead just DOING. In that sense you are here now and the conflict is resolved. "The greatest journey begins with a single step." But if you are consumed by the desire to attain a goal, instead of experiencing this shit right here and accepting what is, you are not of the moment. Take the example of me eating dinner. I have a goal in mind, the next bite, and so of course I know just what to do. The problem is the cycle is ongoing. Doing and accepting are not the same, and in some sense are opposed. We always want more. When do we get to just be happy with ourselves and our lives? I have a quantity of material goods that most humans who have lived would kill for. I have better friends than I could ask for, a pretty damn awesome family, a girl in love with me, and a restaurant I like. So what's the problem? So I achieve fame and fortune to get the good shit. Is that really going to do the trick? Hell no. That validation is temporary and needs to be experienced over and over so that we know we haven't "lost it." This is part of the reason why the worst time to become rich or famous is when you are young. I’m getting off topic. Point is, one has to believe in one's goal as a religion, and it is a false god. Personally I see a few options for myself: - Philanthropy - Mystical/meditative practice - "Giving in" to the family project - Adventuring, exploring, traveling, "world learning" - Theorizing, reading, talking, "book learning," - Writing about the whole experience of it all These are obviously not mutually exclusive and all sound good, but probably false gods in every direction… turtles all the way. And once you know, you can’t convince yourself otherwise. Or if I could I wouldn’t want to. All this is FAR too much for 1:30 on a Tuesday from my office computer. I need to sleep a few hours for another marathon tomorrow.